Punishment or Discipline: which one is for Peace?
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When a child “misbehaves”, what do you do? Why?
Does your child misbehave or are there unmet needs that cause these undesired behaviors?
A lot of us understand punishment and discipline are one. Most approach to discipline has something to do with breaking someone’s spirit. These two words can be subtle at first glance as most would think that they are synonyms.
Peace is centered in Montessori education. It is necessary that humans need to learn how to resolve conflicts without violence.
How do we achieve PEACE if we, adults/guides/facilitators/teachers, want to terrorize our children when we want to?
So, when a child “misbehaves”, what do you do?
a. I’m passive! “I don’t care. I let my partner or the teachers handle that. It’s cool to be in trouble sometimes. Also, my child would grow up in time!”
b. He needs to be disciplined. Give punishment. I don’t like it every time I hear something like this AGAIN. “I discipline my child by facing me. I make sure he hears me out, and I yell or spank him so that he won’t do it again. Sometimes, I can go to another level of punishing him especially when my emotions are at peak!”
c. I need to teach him something valuable as I discipline. I express what is unacceptable. I help my child manage his emotions and actions. Whenever I am in this position to go through what happened, I always ask myself, “How can I help my child help himself 5 years from now through intentionally calming down to think logically?”
If you like giving punishment, it creates obedience because of FEAR. Chances are, it will make your child aggressive in the future as well. It also doesn’t necessarily STOP them the “undesired” behavior. They would just make sure they won’t get caught by avoiding it.
True discipline is when you teach them the reason behind why that certain behavior is unacceptable, and what to do instead. We should aim at helping children to excuse themselves when they are feeling something big, manage their feelings, and guide them on how to face/resolve conflicts. Whatever decisions one takes, it has consequences!
Real talk now… What techniques can we apply here in your learning environment?
You can talk about feelings and emotions. You can act them out and model what different ways they would react, and how to properly respond. Think through with them. Ask for their opinions, and talk about them as long as they are with you. Sooner, they’ll be modeling this to other children and we hope that it would create a more peaceful environment.
You can also encourage positive behaviors by sharing to the whole class during meetings, “ I feel at peace when I saw that someone in this class was exercising patience to another classmate while trying to put himself altogether. In the end, I saw them negotiating about where to meet halfway; both of their needs and wants are being considered.”
You can also model mindfulness and self-reflection! This can be done in various ways. Be open to sharing your techniques with your intermediate family members — they might need it too! Remember, we model what we want for the children so get peace first: make mindfulness and self-reflection a lifestyle.
I wish you luck!
